Monday, June 13, 2011

Colonoscopy Round 2

What barbaric masochistic bastard invented the prep for a colonoscopy? Seriously, that guy was one messed up dude. Thanks to Paul's first test not being a clean read after a sleepless night that involved drinking, every 30 minutes or so, some seriously nasty concoction that supposedly removes any trace of food from your body, he had the pleasure of doing it again. And not only just drink a gallon of this stuff but also a 2 day fast to ensure that he was completely void of any food in his system.

I sat there waiting in the waiting room for him to be done or for the doctor to have me sent to his room so he could inform us of his diagnosis. One would think you would have one's spouse in the room when you are telling them that they have Stage 4 cancer but, alas, Mr. Gastrolenterologist Man didn't think like that and used the excuse that no one could find me and god forbid, anyone try calling me on my cell phone.

And trust me I was in a hurry to get out of the waiting room since there was a family of ten  who were waiting for a loved one to get out of either a procedure or surgery and seemed to think that the hospital waiting room is the appropriate place for a tailgate party. Seriously, they had portable tv's with them that were being blared over the multiple tv's that were in the lounge, laughing, shouting loudly at each other and to complete the whole scenario they set up a picnic on the floor. I just sat in my little corner shooting death looks their way with a host of other people who were in no mood for their campfire. So if you happen to ever run into any of these people (see the gang in the corner of the room), feel free to kick them in the shins for me.

After about two hours, Paul emerged like nothing had happened. I asked him how it went and he told me how there was a woman, who was also in for a colonoscopy, who was a crying shaking mess and Paul, who now has suddenly become the expert in colonoscopies, managed to calm her down and make her laugh by accusing her of trying to take a cheeky look at his bum. If there's one thing the boy is good at it, it is to make light of any situation to take away its seriousness.

He told me that the doctor confirmed it was cancer and we opted to memoralize this event with a few cocktails at Barney's Beanery and then get ready to find out what the plan of action would be.

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